I stood at my window yesterday in the late afternoon, cutting beets. I always laugh when I'm preparing beets--it looks as though a horrific accident is in process, and I stand guilty like some kind of savage. I looked out and watched my elderly neighbor give my kids a ride on his 4-wheeler--up and down his lane they went, I could see them beaming ear to ear. He is the best neighbor--we joke and he and punches my arm like we have been friends for life.
As I prepared dinner and the kids played outside, I felt like I needed to run. But why? I had planned my run for the next morning--I had too much to do and the run would have to wait.
But my body wouldn't wait. My mind wouldn't settle for tomorrow. My legs longed to stretch and my mind needed to wander....I HAD to get out on the trail. I quickly changed, flew out the door as soon as Robby got home from work, and headed up to my trails.
My trails. Two months living here and they feel like mine already. Charly and I started our slow and steady climb, the warm spring sun wrapping us in it's evening warmth. The trails are finally dry--we left a soft puff of dust with each step, covering the tracks of those who had gone before us. As my feet maneuvered rocks and roots, my mind filled with thoughts. It sorted them--needs, wants, memories, dreams, ideas. It took me back in my past, and gave me wishes for the future.
It reminded me, of time.
Today would have been my due date. Some of you may remember (I wrote about it HERE) that I miscarried last fall. I have been 100% fine these last few months. I don't tend to dwell on hardships, and I have continued my life--living, loving, and trying to improve each day.
I have moved on, all because of time.
I am so content in my life right now. Wait.....no. I am better than content.
I feel if we find ourselves completely content, and ok with being so, we will never feel the need to improve.
I have goals. Physical. Spiritual.
I have people to love more, a world to explore, friends to meet and connect with, and a family to help nourish and grow.
I see these things so clearly now, more so than I ever have.
Six months ago I felt heavy. Lost. Unsure. I questioned. Wondered. Cried.
I still don't have all my answers, and maybe I never will.
But I do know that I have time--we ALL have time.
Even when it seems to stand still, time is there for YOU.
Time to heal. Time to dream and wish. Time to watch our children grow.
Time to wonder. And wander.
And always, always time to run.