Friday, May 3, 2013

time

evening run
www.inthelittleredhouse.blogspot.com 
 I stood at my window yesterday in the late afternoon, cutting beets. I always laugh when I'm preparing beets--it looks as though a horrific accident is in process, and I stand guilty like some kind of savage. I looked out and watched my elderly neighbor give my kids a ride on his 4-wheeler--up and down his lane they went, I could see them beaming ear to ear. He is the best neighbor--we joke and he and punches my arm like we have been friends for life.

As I prepared dinner and the kids played outside, I felt like I needed to run. But why? I had planned my run for the next morning--I had too much to do and the run would have to wait.
But my body wouldn't wait. My mind wouldn't settle for tomorrow. My legs longed to stretch and my mind needed to wander....I HAD to get out on the trail. I quickly changed, flew out the door as soon as Robby got home from work, and headed up to my trails.

My trails. Two months living here and they feel like mine already. Charly and I started our slow and steady climb, the warm spring sun wrapping us in it's evening warmth. The trails are finally dry--we left a soft puff of dust with each step, covering the tracks of those who had gone before us. As my feet maneuvered rocks and roots, my mind filled with thoughts. It sorted them--needs, wants, memories, dreams, ideas. It took me back in my past, and gave me wishes for the future.

It reminded me, of time.

Today would have been my due date. Some of you may remember (I wrote about it HERE) that I miscarried last fall. I have been 100% fine these last few months. I don't tend to dwell on hardships, and I have continued my life--living, loving, and trying to improve each day. 
I have moved on, all because of time.

I am so content in my life right now. Wait.....no. I am better than content. 
I feel if we find ourselves completely content, and ok with being so, we will never feel the need to improve. 
I have goals. Physical. Spiritual. 
I have people to love more, a world to explore, friends to meet and connect with, and a family to help nourish and grow. 
I see these things so clearly now, more so than I ever have.

Six months ago I felt heavy. Lost. Unsure. I questioned. Wondered. Cried.

I still don't have all my answers, and maybe I never will.
But I do know that I have time--we ALL have time.
Even when it seems to stand still, time is there for YOU.

Time to heal. Time to dream and wish. Time to watch our children grow. 
Time to wonder. And wander. 
And always, always time to run.

14 comments:

Robyn said...

You are so right,always make time for the run...that keeps the balance right and that is how you are able to strive and write beautiful words,because you have those beautiful thoughts.

Eleanor said...

xoxo

Hannah Cooper said...

Beautiful words sheena.

Ashley said...

Lovely words. xo

Clandestine Road said...

This was beautiful. I still have goose flesh from reading it. You sound peaceful and grounded. This was just beautiful.

Angela

in dreams said...

this is such a lovely post, filled with beautiful + courageous thoughts. <3

Hays said...

thanks for sharing sheena. we really really need to get together this summer!!!

Lori Folkman said...

Beautifully written Sheena. :)

Jackie said...

Thanks for the reminder :) Running is such a spiritual and emotional thing I've come to realize...gets all the stuff you have going on inside, out. Beautiful thing!

Kasey said...

Beautiful post, Sheena. You always inspire me to appreciate and make the most of what I have, and to simply be present.

I thought of you yesterday. The first 2 miles of my relay were a trail that wound up and down. There were fresh branches fallen across the trails from a storm. It was snowing. I ran, as fast as I could, up and down, from one flagged tree to the next, through a gorgeous forest in a state park. I was the ONLY person there. I loved every second of it.

I'd tried running trails once before and it didn't click. I think it was the adrenaline of race that finally made it click for me and I realized it wasn't as hard as I thought it was. I gained a new appreciation for it. I can't wait to do it again. I'm lucky enough to have trails <5 miles from my house.

melissa said...

i really like this post. i've felt so crummy this winter and have had such a hard time shaking it off. it's really thrown me for a loop. but after some time--and being able to run a tiny bit--things are looking up. they always do!

Ang said...

such a great post, Sheena - running really is theraputic, isn't it? Sending thoughts and prayers your way! :)

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Sara said...

Thank you so much for sharing, Sheena. Your words are an inspiration to me as a mother and wife.