The Beginning of the End of a Chapter

2018, smokey sunset summits.

Let's talk about time. Not the small moments that continually pass and tangle me up in nostalgia, such as summers winding down, kids growing too fast, and the teeniest of wrinkles creeping their way in to the sides of my eyes (I swear they weren't there yesterday). I want to talk about hefty chunks of time in our lives that feel more like chapters ending as we continue to press on and write our life stories.

Ten years ago this month I sat in an emergency room after being scanned, poked, prodded, and all but turned upside down and shook 'till my tears drained out. I watched as a young doctor frantically scribbled notes, and though his handwriting was upside-down to me and notoriously bad, it was still clear enough to read: MS? Maybe the question mark meant he was hopeful that it wasn't; but as I sat on a cold bed with an open back extra-large hospital gown, I felt anything but hopeful.

2008, MRI fashion.

Now before you think you've been duped into never hearing that I had Multiple Sclerosis, don't worry because I don't have it--I never did. Go back to August 2008, and I continued on with more testing, more doctors, and when no one could figure out what was going on, they needed a box to put me in. The MS box was the closest they could find, so they shoved me in tight with their doctors' stamp of approval and sent me off for weekly steroid infusions and daily self-injections of a medication that maybe would have helped me feel better, had I actually had MS. But since I did not have MS, I continued to be sick. I was achy, exhausted,  and tipped the scale at barely a hundred pounds, but the whole time I knew I didn't have what they told me I had. They were wrong. It wasn't even that I refused to believe it ( I mean, I was only twenty five with a toddler and baby to care for, so I wanted it to NOT be true), but it just didn't sit right with me.

I had a feeling.

After months of questioning and doctor hopping and spending way too much time on the Internet, I had lab work in my hand and found my answer. Lyme disease.

Now we could go on and on--many of you know my story, some of you read it along here in real time when we all blogged back in the day. It's a story that could take up pages on it's own, but for now it's not the main character in this story. Back in August 2008, and the four years that followed of travel and treatments and questions and answers, it was the beginning of this chapter.

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I had always planned on going back to school. I was twenty years old in college and found myself spinning my wheels on what I wanted to BE when one day I became an adult. I mean, even though I was far from adult-ish, I was married, owned a car and a condo, and had job at the local college-town record store, so really how could life get any better? I took classes like zoology, geology, and floral arrangement....and while they were all fun, I just couldn't commit to a major. So I finished a degree in General Studies, and vowed to one day go back to school.

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2010, a day in the life.

2010, PICC line round two.

The whole Lyme hiccup took four years to get through. When I say "get through", I mean to say I've been symptom free since 2012 (can I get an AMEN!). The Lyme still likely lingers deep in the shadows of my body, but next time it comes we will be ready (well maybe not ready, but at least educated), and for now it's just a memory and a little piece of what's made me, ME. In that time I bounced from doctor to doctor, state to state, nurse to nurse, treatment to treatment. I had a PICC line (once for a month, once for three months), and remember sitting with my nurse for my twice weekly dressing change. She cleaned my arm and prepped it for the new dressing. She would scratch and scratch and scratch with the disinfecting oversized q-tip, and that right there was my favorite care that I received throughout the four year process. I remember chatting with her thinking, I want to do THIS. (Ok maybe not sit and scratch people's arms), but I want to HELP. I needed to help--this was for me.

I had a feeling.

2012, "I beat Lyme, and so can you" outside my doctor's office in California. I looked at that message for two years before I sat and posed for a picture because it was finally true for me.

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 January 2014, first day back to school

Most of you know, that after going back to school in 2014, I graduated last year as a registered nurse, and have been working two nights a week in a step-down ICU. I have also been slowly chipping away at my Bachelor's Degree in Nursing, and started up classes again last week--on schedule to finish this December. I used to enthusiastically pack my pens and planner and pose for a back to school picture like an eager elementary student. Last week I put off even looking at my classes until the day the first round of assignments were due, and then I couldn't remember my password when I went to log in. I am burned out on the papers, discussions, and due dates that constantly hang over my head.

However, I was out on the trail last week, thoughts collecting and sorting themselves like they do when my feet are in the dirt, and all these words you are reading came flooding in.  I realized, what is four more months of school, when I've been writing this chapter for ten years?! (And while we are pondering, HOW AM I OLD ENOUGH to have chapters that started ten years ago?!)

Ten years ago when I sat in that hospital gown and read those upside-down letters that the doctor couldn't even say "we will refer you out to a neurologist" he said unsteadily; I had no idea that was the beginning of a chapter that would pave a path into my life I NEVER even in a million years saw coming.

So am I living the dream working nights as a nurse? Am I saving lives--jamming my hand in gunshot wounds to stop bleeding,  and restarting hearts? I'm not. My nights consist of running from room to room of sickly patients who for the most part don't really care that I am there. In the first few months I felt panicky--had I made the right choice? Was all the work worth it? As I'm settling in, and finishing up this chapter, I can see the pages of the next one start to form. As I meet people and come across opportunities, and as I finish these last few months of school, I know that my next chapter will bring with it more surprises and more pathways to follow.

I just have a feeling.

August 2018, us just being us.

 

 the end. but really the beginning.

For more of my story, you can read old posts HERE

The one where I admit I forgot how to blog.

Blogs are so 2012, am I right? I'm not even sure if I remember how to do this--and who is really reading this besides my mom (and only because she feels obligated)? All I know is that I was typing out an Instagram caption and I got so excited about the health benefits of my breakfast, my caption became waaaaaaaay too long, so here I am. I posted just ONCE last year--a passionate letter about public lands. Why not post about oatmeal in 2018?

Consistency is not my strong suit.

I am an artist. I don't paint (I want to try!), I can't draw to save my life, but I have to be creating SOMEthing or I will shrivel up and die a million deaths (artists are known to be dramatic). For years it's been photos and words that fulfill my need to create, but I've felt uninspired lately with our brown soggy landscape and lack of winter. Most of you know we moved a few months ago and have spent all of our free time emptying out and remodeling this great old house. Now that everything is functioning (notice I said "functioning"....because I'm pretty sure we will never be DONE), I have been back in my kitchen and it feels so good to get my hands dirty--I love to create simple and nutritious meals for my family to eat.

I also started working as a nurse in the fall, and I tell you what--it's given me a whole new appreciation for life, health, and taking care of our bodies. I have loved exploring nutrition these past few years, but recently I'm immersing myself a little deeper, and I am so excited about what I've been learning (and eating)--I have to share it with someone! Most of my patients are too sick to care about the benefits of broccoli and tumeric, but maybe you want to pull up a chair and listen? I guess you can say this is my attempt to save the world, one bite at a time.

I've been slowly chipping away at the book How Not to Die by Dr. Michael Greger. I don't have a ton of extra time to read right now, but I try to sneak a few pages in each day. The book is written in two parts--the first part details different diseases and how we can avoid them by eating right; the second part breaks down the author's favorite food groups and why they are so good for our health. The book promotes a fully plant based diet--I'm still eating meat (although less), and just trying to find ways to add more plants to every meal and snack. (And don't worry I still eat cookies, you know, for balance).

So let's start with breakfast. I love oats, and eat them almost every single day whether for breakfast, lunch, or a snack. Lately I've been loading them up with as much nutrition as I can fit into the bowl.


[Go ahead and skip this paragraph unless you want to realize how nerdy I am....I have been studying up on antioxidants lately, and why we need them in our diets every day. It's so hard to explain in a quick blog post, so do some googling, and you too can be a nerd as you read about electrons, DNA, and superoxides and.....blah blah blah I lost you, didn't I? How I explained it to my kids was like this: think of something rusty. Why is it rusty? Because it's lived a long life out in the elements. Oxidative stress (or "rusting") also takes place in our bodies at the cellular level--this is what causes us to age. Sunspots and wrinkles on the outside, memory loss and worsening organ function on the inside. We are all slowly rusting. But antioxidants help slow this process--so eat up! I look at this breakfast as a big bowl of goodness that keeps me from rusting].

Morning Oatmeal

buckwheat (cooked in almond milk) I like two switch it up from time to time from rolled oats.

cashew butter stirred in when it's still hot--this makes it extra creamy and more filling thanks to the healthy fat in cashews.

almond milk (just a splash more if needed to thin it out)

spoonful of ground flax (omega-3s, antioxidants)

2 spoonfuls of chia and hemp seeds (more omegas, hemp seeds are a good source of plant protein!).

shake of cinnamon (super high in antioxidants)

 teeniest tiniest pinch of cloves because they are SO strong, but super good for you, and they make your oatmeal taste like Christmas.

berries-go crazy! This time of year fresh berries aren't always so great, so I keep the freezer stocked with frozen berries and I'll throw those in halfway through the cooking process. Not the same as fresh, but still good for you, and better than plain old oatmeal (if I use frozen I'll usually throw in a spoonful of coconut sugar since they tend not to be as sweet as fresh). The more pigment a plant has = the more antioxidants, so eat ALL the colors! Berries are also good for your immune function which is so important to me right now since waaaay too many of my patients have the flu.

nuts on top for more healthy fat and (you guessed it) pecans are high on the list of antioxidant rich foods (top 10 list HERE).

cacao nibs (or lets be honest most of the time those are dark chocolate chips).

And that my friends, was the longest recipe for oatmeal you've read, and probably one of the most unexciting blog posts ever. Keep in mind I've been writing long boring papers for the last four years (I'm stressing out I didn't cite my sources). So maybe blogging isn't my thing anymore....maybe I need to write a cookbook for food nerds.

*What do you think? Does anyone still read blogs? If I want to get back into sharing recipes, it has to be here, unless they are super short and easy (my favorite kind)--I can post those to IG. I've had so many requests to share house updates, and I will....haha someday (insert shrugging emoji). On TV they make is seem so easy to have your before and after pic all in the same month....we may be waiting a while for those "after" pics ;) But we really have made so much progress, I should share just to remind myself how far we've come*

Thanks for reading! Enjoy your oats!

An Open Letter to Utah Representatives

A few months ago in my American Heritage class (yes, I had to take American Heritage to be a nurse.....who knew!) we had an assignment to write a letter to one of our representatives about a current issue. Normally this would have been an assignment I rushed through with no thought or energy--just hurried to get it done. But that was the week that our Utah officials met with the Trump Administration to discuss shrinking down the Escalante National Monument (along with dissolving the newly created Bears Ears Monument), making the land vulnerable for corporate interest. While I am usually not a political person, this is a topic that has literally left me feeling sick to my stomach. I feel so strongly about public lands and the protection of these sacred spaces, so the thought of politicians who are willing to trade our land for dollars, is something that keeps me up at night. 

I was recently talking to a friend about using our platforms for good. For the most part, social media is pretty superficial and narcissistic, but if we can occasionally use it to share a positive message or stand up for something we care about, let's do! My platform is small, I realize, but at least it's a platform, right? I rarely get over here to the blog anymore, but when I do, it's always funny to me when I look back at how it's morphed over the years. From babies, to cupcakes, to our adventures--it's easy to see what phase of life I was in and what my passions were at that time. And as much as I love looking back at the records I've kept, I feel that now--in this season of my life--I'm not using this space to keep a record, but more to raise my voice about things that I find important, and want to share with my small audience.

I encourage you to share this message--whether using some of my words or your own, let's get it out there. The sand and the rock and the rivers have no voice, let's speak up for them. 

Here is my letter.

Dear Governor Herbert, Senator Hatch, Senator Lee, Congressman Bishop and Congressman Chaffetz.

My name is Sheena Jibson, and I live in the mountains of Utah with my husband, two children, and a few too many animals. I'm reaching out to you today because you are my elected representatives, but I don't feel like you are currently representing what I stand for. Many people I know feel the same way, so I hope you listen--listen to the people you are supposed to be the voice for; let me explain. Our family enjoys spending as much time as we can outside, and we find ourselves down in Escalante a couple times a year, soaking in the desert sunshine and finding peace from a fast and furious world. 

I want to describe for you some of the things you may see down in this area, as I’m guessing you haven’t ventured very far out of the comfort of your air conditioned car. I’m assuming you have at least driven on Highway 12—one of the most scenic roads in the country—wouldn’t you agree? Mounds of red and white sandstone, stretched out as far as the eye can see; it’s otherworldly. Have you dipped your toes in Calf Creek? Felt the contrast of the icy cold water against your desert parched skin? Have you hiked down the creek to where the water spills over the rocks from the sky above? Have you heard it? Felt the spray on your face?

Representatives, have you driven down Hole in the Rock Road? Have you climbed into the cracks of the earth and crawled into corners of the world that sunlight will never reach? Have you stood on high ground while a desert thunderstorm rolled through and filled these cracks with raging waters? It’s equally terrifying, and exhilarating. Have you then watched as the thirsty earth drank up every last drop of rain in just minutes?  

Have you traced the footsteps of the pioneers that founded this great state and stood where they stood on Dance Hall Rock? Tried to imagine their joys, sorrows, celebrations, and pain as they gathered with their families in this God-created amphitheater? Have you stood beneath the walls that have a history written in pictures from those who walked the earth hundreds of years ago? Have you felt the sacredness, and peacefulness of their ancient burial grounds that you step lightly across?

Have you gone to the desert with a worry, a problem, a struggle that haunts your mind, and let the heat, the wind, and the sand strip those worries away and polish you down until your soul is renewed? Have you felt this power of the desert Representatives? Have you?

I’m guessing the answer to all of these questions is NO. No you have not. I know this, because had you experienced any of these things, you would not be trying to unravel the Escalante National Monument. You would recognize the sacredness of this space, and it’s need for protection from those who want to sell off this corner of Utah to the highest bidder, so they can dig and blast, ruin the landscape, and disrupt the peace. 

I encourage you to take a break from your desks and your paperwork, forget for just a moment about the dollar signs that occupy your minds, and take a trip to the desert. Loosen your ties, take off your shoes and let the earth stain your skin red and burn you right down to your soul. Find the peace and  the excitement in the exact same moment that only the desert can offer. 

You can enter the desert with a jumbled mind, and I promise, you will leave a small piece of you buried in the sand, and take with you a clear vision of what is important--protecting this space that is now a part of you. Please try to see that value and worth are sometimes more than monetary wealth.

I appreciate your time, and hope this is an issue you can come to care as deeply about as I do, since you are representing my family.

Sincerely,

Sheena

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Utah friends! If you feel this way, PLEASE reach out to these men and tell them how you feel. Climb up on my tiny soapbox with me--I will make room!

Governor Herbert
PO Box 142220
Salt Lake City, Utah 84114-2220
 801-538-1000
@governorherbert

Email Senator Hatch HERE

Email Senator Lee HERE or @senmikelee

Email Congressman Bishop HERE

Email Congressman Chaffetz HERE or reach out to him on IG--he seems to be pretty active on there @jasoninthehouse

The things we learn.

first day of my third semester of nursing school

I did it! WE did it! I am happy to scream from the mountain tops that I’m DONE with my third semester of nursing school! (I’ll be a real live nurse in May!) I'm not going to lie, this was the semester that almost broke me….I took on a little bit more than I should have with 15 credits and I just about crumbled under the weight of care plans and tests and hundreds of millions of  pages of books I was supposed to be reading. I spent every week in the hospital--I took care of teeny tiny babies in the NICU, watched newborns enter the world, spent nights on med/surg floors, learned about critical care in the ICU, and worked my first shift in the ER (my favorite!) 

on top of Timp in August

But the best thing I learned, was how absolutely amazing my kiddos are. Counting all my pre-reqs, this was my third year of school since I went back (where does the time go?!) My mama heart has been holding on to some guilt--worries about all of the things I “should” be doing with and for these two. It has been a real struggle for me, and for some reason hit especially hard this fall. I continually questioned if I was doing the right thing--not for myself--I knew I was. But was I doing the right thing for them? And then I looked up one day, and realized how much they have grown. They cook! They clean! (don’t worry, they still put up a good fight on this one) They make me cookies any time I ask. They excel in school and their climbing and soccer. They look out for one another, they look out for me. Jonah is the first to ask "what did you learn in school today mom?" I find notes on my pillow before I go to bed at night from my Lu. They are my teammates and my best cheerleaders, and if I felt like breaking into song, they are sunshine on my cloudy days. Maybe this whole going-back-to-school thing hasn't been as hard on them as my imagination lead me to believe.

And as long as I'm here giving my Oscar speech, I'd also like to thank this guy. 

If he was a cliche' he'd be things like my glue and my rock, and my blah blah blah. More importantly, he was the guy who brought me Lola's when I was starving. He forced me out on my bike when I'd been sitting too long. He drove me to the desert and hiked me out into the middle of nowhere so I could unbury my sanity. He played guitar every night while I sat at my computer and pounded out letters to form words to form papers with no end. He made me laugh, like he's always done, and he promised me I'd be just fine, and assured me I wouldn't crumble.

And......I didn't. 

I met every deadline. Passed every test. I did have to learn to let go of some perfectionism and realize I just.can't.do.everything all the time, which is a great thing to learn, let me tell you. I learned that my kids are excelling, and I am just fine. And although it's hard to admit, I should probably listen to my husband because he is usually often sometimes right. 

I learned something new, imagine that.

August Favorites!

just hangin out....

I have received such great feedback on my "essentials" page the past few years, and haven't updated since last winter (whoops!). I will put a new one together for fall, but for now here are just a few of my current MUST HAVES that I am loving.
(everything on my list is tested and truly loved by my family--this isn't a sponsored post :)

HEALTH

Natural Calm. It's August. I'm not going to lie, this month is not my favorite. The whole back-to-school season stresses me out and I just haven't been sleeping at night--at ALL. A friend recommended this--it's a magnesium supplement--and the last three nights I have fallen asleep right away, and then STAYED sleeping all night (a miracle!). I've just been mixing a tiny bit (1/2tsp) into some warm water at bedtime and it works like a charm.

Doterra Triease softgels.  I'm the only one in my family who doesn't suffer from some kind of seasonal allergy (go me!), and right now everyone else is pretty miserable--runny noses, watery eyes--it's the worst. I don't know how these work or why, or maybe it's all placebo, but they seem to be taking the edge off for Robby and the kids--Jonah's sneezing has been cut down from ten in a row to just one :)

Hydro Flasks . For a while I kinda made fun of anyone who bought an expensive water bottle when you can pick up an indestructible Nalgene for under $10....and then I got super tired of drinking warm water all summer. I finally bit the bullet and tested one of these out and it has CHANGED MY LIFE! I can actually leave my water in the car while I go in a store or on a run, and when I come back THERE IS STILL ICE IN MY WATER!  I've been drinking so much more water, now that it's not burning my mouth every time I take a sip. I highly recommend the splurge.

me and my beet bouquet, cheesin it up.

SNACKS

Beets! Ok beets aren't exactly a grab-n-go snack, but we are eating them constantly! I love them roasted, but since it's too hot to turn on the oven right now, I've been slicing them, boiling them, and then adding to salads, or mixing them with some olive oil, red wine vinegar, chives and goat cheese! How do you eat your beets?

Orgain Protein Powder. I've been really trying to up my protein intake the last six months. I've never been a huge fan of protein shakes but lately I'm really liking this one. I've found that for me, I do better with the plant protein over whey (my gut doesn't always agree with so much dairy)--and this has been my favorite so far--it's not full of weird ingredients and sweetened with stevia instead of sucralose. I have a shake after every workout.

Epic Bars . Always a favorite--I've mentioned these before. I'm not a fan of just having them for a snack on a regular day--but when we are out hiking they taste SO good--I crave them. I like their new Epic bites too.

CLOTHING

I've lived in my Birkenstocks all summer long--so comfy!

Brixton Hats  (above photo) I'm a huge fan of hats....then I don't have to do my hair! 

Prana's Kara Jeans I LIVE in these jeans. The fit is just right, lots of colors to chose from (the green is my fav), and they are super comfortable--I even climb in them.

KIDDOS

Merrell Hiking Boots . The kids have put some major miles on these boots this summer--they tell me their feet feel great (they did 13 miles right out of the box) and they've been through puddles, mud, and small creek crossings and their feet have stayed dry. Pair them with a good sock--we like Smartwool .

Kids Camelbaks . This is a great size day pack for kids--the bladder holds 1.5 liters of water and it's big enough to carry a fleece, rain jacket, and snacks (and whatever rocks they pick up along the way.)

RUNNING

Patagonia running shorts . Hands down my favorite running shorts--three years in a row! So light and comfortable-I won't buy any other shorts to run in.

Houdini . This jacket (pictured below) is my new favorite running piece. It rolls up tiny so I can put it in my running pack, and it really keeps the wind away when you get high up in the mountains--click the link and you can read my full review.

Resistance Bands. I used to be all "cardio! cardio! cardio!" But since I've added weight training in, I feel so much better when I run, ride, and climb. These bands are a great way to mix it up with weights--and they all fit in a little bag so you can take them wherever.

 HELP!

Now I need some help from you guys! I'm looking for some new recipes....I definitely not going paleo--you know I'm a firm believer in good balance, but what I've found is working great for me right now is what I've decided to call "conscious carbs", meaning I eat more carbs the days I'm more active--running or biking-- (yogurt and oats for breakfast, a wrap for lunch) and less carbs when I'm less active (eggs for breakfast, salad and lean protein for lunch, etc). So I'm wondering if you have any great resources, favorite recipes, or instagram accounts that feature low carb meal ideas-some meatless dishes would be FANTASTIC! Mostly just good dinners and snack ideas (always looking for snacks for my long school days!) 

And speaking of food--I've been posting a few super easy meal ideas on Instagram Stories (@_sheenarae). Why are there Instagram stories? Who knows....still trying to understand it myself, but I'll post quick ugly food shots every now and then--check them out!

these days

watching the "show" 

lu said animal heaven is in the sunset

 

We live for summer evenings. We lay low during the day, the heat slowwwwwly melting us into sticky, lifeless, human puddles, and then emerge back in to real life as the sun begins to sink behind the mountain. The breeze starts to blow, we open windows, doors, and always hope for rain (we got our first storm in weeks!) We head out to the garden--it's being overtaken oh-so-slowly by weeds--and pull some veggies for dinner. Our feet are stained--we never wear shoes, our fingernails have a constant layer of dirt. We don't mind. We check the squash--little pumpkins, smooth spaghetti squash coming right along, the zucchini plant that frosted (twice!) is coming back to life with teeny tiny zucchinis. The branches on the plum tree are getting heavier by the day--tired from the weight of their almost-purple treasures--we constantly check to see when they'll be ready to pick--any day now. We prepare for our battle with the magpies who are patiently waiting as well. The backyard is overgrown with flowers and thistles as tall as me--they reach out and grab our legs as we pass. We start to count the ladybugs we find--(don't forget the two on her, and the one in my hair)--but we lose track. If we sit out there long enough, we sometimes see the two young bucks that wander through every now and then. We see the lightening in the distance, and sit to watch the show that Mother Nature prepared--just for us, I'm sure of it.  As the sun melts away, the clouds change from grey, to orange, to pink.....and fade out slowly back to silver.

We head back into the house, and finish cleaning up from dinner. I replay the evening in my head and remind myself that it's these moments--these little tiny moments that are, in fact, the big moments. These are the days, aren't they.

A Summer Supper

Not really a "recipe"....but boy did it taste good. I feel like we eat like kings in the summer time!

-grilled hamburger patties--fresh beef from the farmer's market (mixed with rosemary and topped

with blue cheese and pickled jalapenos from the garden)

-farmer's market beans sauteed in olive oil, garlic, and pine nuts

-beets from the garden, boiled and tossed with butter, red wine vinegar, salt and pepper (wishing I had some goat cheese too!)

-garden tomato

serve with a side of shade and cool outdoor breeze!

stuff

wake up, sleepy head.

We spent fourteen nights away from home in July--on the road to California, back to Utah, on to Montana. Each time we had a few days in between, but I never really felt like we were "home"--we were constantly going and the month just FLEW by. Our time away was spent camping, so we brought only necessities. A few shirts, shorts, swimsuits. Food, jackets, a couple pairs of shoes. Ok we DID bring fun stuff like bikes, kayaks, fishing gear and all the makings of a good s'more, but for the most part, it was only what we needed. 

We've been home these last few days, and I've spent all my time catching up around the house-- doing mounds of laundry, unpacking gear, trying to finish projects I started in June (whoops). I can't help but look around our house and think.....why do we have so much STUFF?

I feel like the world right now tells us we need MORE. And everything must be BIGGER. More clothes. Bigger house. More "likes". Bigger cars. 
More things = more happiness, right?

No!

Over the last few years we have downsized, and downsized again. Our house is twelve hundred something square feet--my kids' bedrooms are so close I can hear them snoring at night. Robby and I share a closet that I can touch both ends of at once, which is fine I guess--I hate shopping anyway. Don't get me started on our bathroom--big enough for only one person at a time--and it's still tight (and we are small people!) 

I'm not the most organized person, but I'm learning to keep what we need, and get rid of what we don't. (It's a process! I'd love to hear how you do it!) I'd rather fill my home with books to read and rocks we tripped over in the desert, than things that have no meaning or serve no purpose. 

And for now, it works for us. But occasionally, I crack. I hear the world screaming "more!" "bigger!", and I start to feel a little lesser....and smaller. And it slowly chips away at my confidence in how we live, and what we prioritize....and I feel like I NEED more...and bigger.

But then we head out in our little camper, and I cook in the same pot for every meal, and hang our towels to dry between the trees. I'm again reminded that it's not the "stuff" that makes me happy, but the people I'm with, and the world that I am experiencing--and I really don't need much to do that, do I?

I think, I have everything I need.